I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
