You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
