Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize