my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
