Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
