got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
