but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
