If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
