dude i'm inner monologue high
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
