We won't sleep together?
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You can't special order awesome
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Randomize
