508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
