her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
