i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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