Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
