a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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