he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I want a musical about memes.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
