walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
