Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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