Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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