I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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