Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
