Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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