I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
