I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
