it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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