i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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