I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
that's an acceptable place to lick
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
