id be glad to
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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