Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
