I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I want her autograph on my taint
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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