How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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