just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize