My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Randomize
