We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
