well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
