It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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