all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
