There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
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