***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
