AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
