Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
