Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
