she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
