Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize