I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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