Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
