i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize