...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
