If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
