I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
