Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
