Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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