Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
