Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
