I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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