i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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