Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
