i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
