I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
