I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
So here I am, sexting at work.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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