I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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