College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
