We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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