i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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