i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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