Just mADE A PArabola og urine
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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