I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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