I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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