i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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