No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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