I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
