Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
