Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
