my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
